Tammy and Amy make their own personal versions of “Marry Me Chicken,” but there’s no chicken involved!

This season, Tammy and I are both navigating new romantic relationships, but not with each other! As Dian aptly puts it, “Not each other.” Today, we’re putting our culinary skills to the test, inspired by the online trend of “marry me chicken”—dishes people make to supposedly win over their loved ones. We’re creating our own versions of these love-inducing meals, hoping to impress our dates.

I’m whipping up a Clam Chowder Ramen. Timmy, what are you making?

“S’mores pie!” he replies, a grin spreading across his face.

New Romances and Culinary Adventures

Lately, we’ve been painting the town red! I’ve been dating Andrea for a few months now. Just the other night, we went bowling. Neither of us were pros, but she beat me by six points! We even captured some fun memories in a photo booth afterward. Life’s good with Andrea; it’s a joy to cook for her, especially since it’s one of my passions. I’m excited to learn her favorite foods, and I already know s’mores are high on that list.

Meanwhile, Tammy has met Brian, a news reporter. They’ve only been dating for about a month, but Timmy can’t stop gushing about him. “Brian is the ultimate package,” he says, “caring, smart, funny—whatever you need, he’s all in one.”

Cooking Up Love

For my Clam Chowder Ramen, I’m using a budget-friendly recipe: one can of clam chowder, a pack of chicken ramen, Better Than Bouillon, four tablespoons of garlic ranch powder, half a tablespoon of everything bagel seasoning, and water. As for the s’mores pie, Timmy’s currently tackling the graham cracker crust. “Right now, I’m making a giant ass mess,” he quips, though he insists “sometimes the food tastes better when you make a mess.”

As I sprinkle everything bagel seasoning and then four tablespoons of ranch powder into my ramen—”ranch powder can go into almost anything”—Timmy’s “sous chef” is working on his s’mores pie crust. It’s true what they say, the way to a loved one’s heart is through their stomach! Timmy jokingly adds, “No wonder why I got so fat. No wonder why I had a lot of boyfriends. They like my cooking and never want to leave.”

Dates and Life’s Little Pleasures

Tammy and Brian recently had a competitive pool game. Despite Tammy being legally blind due to toxoplasmosis (which leaves scars on his eyes, causing him to see in “Dalmatian spots”), he often wins when they go to arcades. It’s inspiring to see him embrace these activities fully.

As my “sous chef” finishes the crust, I’m about to add the noodles to my ramen. “Wait, don’t be getting naked up in here!” I tease Timmy as he breaks his noodles. “It’s noodle, damn it!” he retorts. He explains he breaks them for his kids, who can’t handle long noodles.

This reminds us of a recent apple-picking adventure with Amy and her boys, and Chris and his grandkids. My favorite part was watching the kids learn to pick good apples from bad ones. Timmy, however, was tempted by the caramel apples and other goodies in the gift shop. “I did resist the temptation,” he claims, “I bought two whole pies.”

Unexpected Protein and Taste Tests

Chris recently took me on an “adventure to get protein.” We went to an organic farm to choose a cow. “You get to pick the animal, you get to name it, and then they’re going to turn it into ribeye,” he explained. “I don’t want to name it if I got to eat it,” I laughed. “That’s right, we’re going to name it Ribeye!” Chris declared.

Back in the kitchen, Tammy’s putting the finishing touches on his s’mores pie—fluff in the crust, chocolate pieces on top, and then a quick broil to toast the marshmallows.

“You want to taste test mine?” I ask Tammy, offering him a spoonful of my ramen. He tries it. “That’s nasty,” he says with a chuckle. My turn to try his pie. It looks good!

“That’s really good,” I say. “I think that’ll win the entry over.”

“I think I already won her over,” Timmy says confidently about Andrea.

“I think I won Brian over with this,” I add, referring to my ramen. “Some food goes straight to… yes. Mine goes straight to your heart and your arteries and to the toilet sometimes.”