💥 1000-LB SISTERS CHAOS! 💥 Amy is a “One-Eyed Bridezilla” Planning Asylum Wedding as Tammy Gets Green Light for Surgery!
THE HALLOWEEN HORROR PROPOSAL
The latest Kentucky Chronicles kick off with the shocking news: Amy Slaton is engaged! Sister Misty ran to the family to relay the horror show proposal that went down at a strip mall haunted house, where “Boogeyman” Brian dropped to one knee with a skull-and-finger engagement ring!
“Ain’t that some goddamn [bleep],” exclaimed a stunned Misty.
The family was aghast, especially since Amy and Brian are currently “fighting a case” after the infamous camel bite incident. Chris was furious: “I would have showed my ass up in that haunted house. I would have probably been the one to sit there and say, ‘Hey, this is close enough to the wedding. I object.’“
The family consensus: Getting married to a man you’ve known for five months is NOT the right kind of distraction from potential jail time!
ARKHAM WEDDING NIGHTMARE: NO ONE IS RSVP’ING!
Amy confirmed her worst “Villain Arc” fears by announcing she wants to host the unholy matrimony at the seriously haunted Waverly Hills Sanatorium—an old tuberculosis asylum!
Unsurprisingly, the family immediately refused: “I’m not available that day,” “I’mma be sick that day,” and “I ain’t going to no damn same asylum!” Chris quipped that if Amy gets married in her jumpsuit, at least she’d have her spooky, prison-themed location!
Amy’s response to the boycott? “Well, I mean, none of y’all are coming to the wedding, so why does it matter?” She’s even planning to wed on the “devil’s holiday”: Halloween!
JUDGMENT DAY: AMY DODGES JAIL… FOR NOW!
The day of judgment arrived as Amy and Brian—who looked dressed for Applebee’s—were hauled to the courthouse by Chris (who paid Amy’s $10,000 bail).
Brian had the audacity to complain, “All I was trying to do is get Amy some help from the camel bite,” prompting Chris to quickly shut him down: “There was some stupid decisions along the way before you even left the house!”
The dramatic tension built, only for the lawyer to request a continuance! The couple’s fate on child endangerment charges is now pushed back another 30 days—giving Amy more time to obsess over her wedding dress (white or orange?).
VICTORY FOR TAMMY: SURGERY IS A GO!
In a much-needed positive turn, Tammy Slaton finally had her appointment with Dr. Smith to check her skin surgery eligibility! Despite using her nicotine vape “on occasion,” Tammy’s nicotine tests were good and, most importantly, her protein levels were up!
Dr. Smith gave Tammy the GREEN LIGHT for skin removal surgery!
“I’m ecstatic because this is Tammy’s biggest milestone,” celebrated the family. “Finally, she won’t look like a Salvador Dolly painting anymore!”
SISTERLY EVICTION: AMANDA GETS THE BOOT
Finally, in a tense coffee shop meeting, Amy was told that sister Amanda and her “grown ass big fat boys”—who were “taking every crumb out the house like the Grinch”—are moving out!
Amy, who was “sick and stressed” dealing with four extra “toddlers” on top of her own two, nearly cried tears of joy: “I’ve been telling you to get out for months. Get out. You been be gone.”
