Viewers witness raw grief from Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, alongside Jessa’s and Ben’s visible heartbreak. The video captures moments of sorrow, family support, and the community rallying around them in this devastating time. It’s a profoundly emotional glimpse into their life as they process an unimaginable loss.
Jessa duggar lay on the white hospital bed her hands trembling against her swollen stomach her breath came in short shallow gasps the physical pain dwarfed by the ache in her soul ben seawald stood at her side pale and wordless his hand held hers tightly too tightly perhaps but she didn’t flinch she needed that grip she needed something to hold her down to keep her from floating away into the grief that was threatening to tear her apart just hours ago they were laughing in the car on the way to the hospital ben had been teasing her about their baby’s kicks how strong they felt how feisty this one would be jessa glowing with that familiar maternal radiance had smiled wide “a little fighter,” she’d said but there was no longer any conflict nobody could hear a heartbeat the words spoken by the physician played over and over again in her head like a bitter lullabi i’m so sorry there’s no heartbeat jessa had initially believed that it was an error on her part machines are not reliable there are blinking monitors babies are huddled together on the other hand the silence particularly the oppressive silence had already revealed the truth before the doctor had ever done so when ben collapsed onto the chair next to her he was holding his face in his hands and his shoulders were quivering he had never been seen in such a manner before ben who was sturdy and reliable was devastated with her mind completely blank jessa stared at the ceiling was this a form of retribution or a test is this a cruel turn of events other members of their family including spurgeon henry ivy and fern were at home with their grandmother michelle they had been eagerly anticipating the arrival of their baby brother or sister the greeting “welcome baby,” was written on a card that ivy had created using glitter and crayon hearts already we love you very much to what extent would they explain this the hours went by the passage of time was distorted and contorted it was a really long labor the fact that the soul that her body was intended to transmit had already passed away was a mystery to her body it clung to the optimistic belief that perhaps just possibly everything was all right it was not the case the baby was delivered at 3:14 in the morning it was a little yet adorable baby a young male he was given the name river matthew seawald by them while ben tenderly held him tears began to roll down his face and onto the blanket that was covering the infant a haze of her own tears obscured jess’s vision as she watched he was born with a nose and lips that were remarkably similar to those of spurgeon and he had the same delicate lips river on the other hand would never open his eyes never in his life did he ever laugh cry or refer to her as mama his life was a whisper that was never given the opportunity to sing it was a pleasant experience way too kind their compassion was like sharp knives wrapped in satin it cut deeper than expected it was offered by one of them to snap a picture of the family jesso was hesitant but ben gave a slight nod that a photograph might be the sole evidence of their existence that they would ever have was something that they had learned from other people who had traveled this wretched route with tears in their eyes they smiled after wrapping river in a gentle blue blanket jessa cuddled him against her chest and put him in her arms for a moment he was friendly warmth emanating from her on the other hand he gradually and painfully began to chill down after returning home the children were unable to comprehend ivy had a habit of asking her mother “where is the baby?” despite jess’s best efforts her voice was so broken that it shattered into a thousand pieces “baby river had to go to heaven,” ben muttered as he carefully lifted up ivy and continued to hold her “but why?” she inquired in a childlike manner he was unable to provide a response jessa was lying in bed that night her arms aching from the emptiness that she felt her breast milk had arrived it was as if her body was prepared to nourish a child that was not present betrayal of the crulest kind as she shouted into the pillow she pressed it to her chest and continued to do so until her voice finally broke in the days that followed their house was adorned with flowers casserles and prayers that were whispered throughout the house both michelle and jim bob shed tears in public after arriving jill only sat next to jessa for a number of hours while holding her hand it was a large family for the duggars it is loud in many cases divisive however at those times of silence and suffering they were nothing more than family to put it simply just people with broken hearts keeping each other together ben was unable to gaze at the preschool room he then left the door closed once he had closed it all of the items including the pacifiers the books and the small onesies were left untouched at times jessa would be seen standing outside the door with her hand on the knob contemplating whether or not she should enter occasionally she did it most of the time she did not the weeks went by the world continued to progress however jessa did not the majority of the time she found herself awake at 2:00 in the morning scrolling through support groups for baby loss and reading the accounts of strangers who had experienced the same nightmare she kept a journal river was the recipient of her letters it was true in you you have been adored you were important on certain days she felt angrier not only with god but also with herself and the unfairness of everything on other days she simply experienced a numbing sensation even ben had a hard time he lowered his voice less later he went to work he gave less smiles they engaged in a fight once a disagreement about the laundry that escalated into tears and slamming doors was a minor altercation bereerment is a harsh companion that can wedge itself between even the hearts of those who are closest to you however they ended up finding each other once more one night while she was seated on the floor of the kitchen jessa was quietly crying ben got down on his knees next to her grabbed her face in his hands and murmured “i miss him too.” they held to one another tightly together two pieces that have been fractured are gently mending during the memorial service for river which was held in their backyard beneath the oak tree they held the event there is a little white box an arrangement of flowers in a bed it was ivy who placed her card next to it the verse from psalm 34:18 that ben read out loud was as follows the lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit she was unable to communicate simply putting her palm on her chest and whispering “i’ll carry you forever,” she did this simple gesture the months went by never once did they get over it nevertheless they started to carry the weight with less difficulty on one occasion spurgeon created a drawing a picture of the family including the mother the father the children and a newborn floating in the skies “that lady is river,” he remarked “in spite of her sorrow,” jessa grinned “it is true it’s river to you there is no end to grief changes occur in it.” jessa was left with a wound that would never be completely healed as a result of river’s passing however as a result of that suffering a new empathy emerged power that is new she started writing again to verbalize to assist other people who have also lost babies it was not out of sympathy that she told river’s story rather it was out of solidarity since being silent is painful on the other hand sharing sadness is therapeutic the nursery eventually reopened its doors it evolved into a serene space for contemplation writing in a journal and praying the photograph of river was positioned there and his minuscule imprint a framed version of iivey’s glitter card in the course of one evening ben encircled jessa with his arm while they were both viewing the sunset in a low voice she inquired “do you think you might see us?” wet in the eyes ben stared up at the golden sky above him “i really hope so.” the two of them sat in silence listening to the sound of the wind rustling the leaves of the trees it was almost as if river was muttering “i’m with
